dear catastrophe waitress

i feel as though as i am beginning to lose myself. i can't explain it, a cancer is eating away at my being. wow, most emo phrase ever.

the fact that i have nothing to say is an awesome example of my being slowly drifting away. my life is so uncertain that i can't even begin to sound even remotely like i have a fucking clue what i'm talking about.

i never make any sense. does anybody make any sense?

"my war paint is sharpie ink."

i'm just struggling to find the point in anything that i do, i'm on a one way road to nothing of any importance. what the fuck. maybe if i wasn't so typical, i didn't use to be.

i'm just growing ever so tired of my life being decided for me, but i guess if you want to look at it from a larger standpoint, my life will always be decided for me. i'm beginning to realize that society has me (and everyone really) in a vice, every year it squeezes tighter and tighter until you have no more control.

if i could have things my way i would live in the forest away from money and typicality and closets full of skeletons that never go away and hate and ignorance. i want to be surrounded by the beauty of the simplest elements. i want love. i want freedom and for music to be my savior.

mostly i just want a new beginning, i want to go a place where nobody knows me and i can truly become the person i want to be. i want to lock my past up in a safe and hide the key for a rainy day when i want to lay around and cry and listen to music to help heal an aching heart.

life is full of want. is anyone ever truly satisfied? are we always plagued with that insatiable need of wanting more. is true happiness only something we see in movies?

someday i know that i'll get there, i'm just a teenage dirtbag when it comes down to it and angst isn't just something that i find in music. i hope to one day look back on this period of my life and know that it helped me become to the person i will someday become. that being said, fuck this "being in limbo" bullshit.


am i too weird? or am i just not afraid to say what many others are feeling at this very moment?

"i feel it all."